IKEA 101 – Survival of the littest (told you so!)

Rule 2b: Go early & eat first! Same lame grocery store scenario every diet column warns you about: don’t shop on an empty stomach. You’ll run around impulse buying crazy shit (ytf did I buy this antler coat rack/sock drier?!) and a dozen frosted cinna-buns. You’ll then scarf down three
said cinnamon buns, love yourself, hate yourself and walk out solely with hangers in hand after wandering three hours souped up on 1000 grams of sugar. You’ll be so grateful to those Swedish veggie balls and mashed taters once dodging wandering toddlers and swerving indecisive hipsters like the superhero YOU are. IKEA Olympic gold medalist status (not a thing). It’s a sport at any rate, so be sure to fuel the beast, be patient, and stay hydrated. May the odds be in your favor.

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